Scrapbook: Day 1

I bought a book for my project!! I searched this town high and low and spent the good portion of an hour picking through every notebook, duotang, sketchbook, journal, and scrapbook i could see at the dollar store (which is typically very good at carrying at least one of whatever you need). By the end though, my time there proved useless. But on my walk home I suddenly remembered that tucked away in the corner of an underground plaza there's a Basics. Imagine my relief! I descended the stairs and immediately envisioned myself finding the scrapbook of my dreams. Which I did. After another hour of comparing and judging over 100 different styles, sizes, and price points, I decided to go with the $7.99 back, hardcover, 152 8.5 x 11 lined paged coil notebook, complete with plastic slip in the back for loose items. No, the lines don't bother me. And no, neither do the coils. I would usually prefer if a notebook had neither features, but the lines are muted and the structure of the coils, and book itself, appear sound. Plus it was on sale! Its not a cornucopia of colours and patterns, it doesnt come with a fancy red ribbon or motivational proverbs in the page corners, its not soft or flexible or aromatheraputic (this really does exist) but I really don't mind because I have a feeling its going to serve its purpose perfectly. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a 2 Basics flyers to take a peek at!!

Potential New Addiction

I have an idea. I think for the sake of this specific blog, we can compare my idea to that of building one's own home. My idea is largely dependent on location and functionality of the space. So, If I was building my own home, I'd definitely have to make a list of everything i'd want outside as well as inside the house. Seems obvious right? But, what's the best, most efficient way to record and manage all of this information? There's lighting, and carpeting, and gardens to think about, not to mention tables, desks, chairs, beds, stoves, fridges, and entertainment units. Bricks, driveways, paint, garage doors, and patios.

That's a lot. And I haven't even begun to touch upon a fraction of what's required for the entire process from beginning to end.

I need an easy system for documenting what i want and what i need. text is great, but visuals are better. everybody knows that.

What i really need then, is a scrapbook. An entirely graphic representation of my idea. An all inclusive view of my house-to-be. A map, in a way, to the final destination. And I like maps. This scrapbook looks as if its going to turn out to be quite the multi-purpose tool.

I can see this scrapbooking thing turing into something of an obsession. I'll be collaging and pasting and flipping through ikea catalogues like a mad woman, dreaming of the day I can actually make a purchase and get my hands on a fucking primo shelving unit. You know, for all the books in my future library :)

I simply cannot wait to get started...

new job?

Job hunting blows. Especially having to update the resume. The worst part is the cover letter. Yawwwn. Actually, no, the worst thing about job hunting is when people say "pound the pavement." Eww. Don't say that. It's ugly. Even uglier than when people say "dry hump." Hahahah. Ew. That is really ugly though.

The good news is that i now have my name on the supply teachers list at the day care, which happens to be around the corner. It also happens to be where my good friend/roommate is employed. She used to be a supply, but since she's actually certified to teach, she's been hired to a full time position as a support worker. You know, for kids who are challenging. They, the children, are not necessarily challenged themselves. They're just difficult, need some extra help, or attention. So, sounds good right? It also happens to fit quite nicely into my new life plan. How convenient. I should have considered this before as an option! Why hadn't i? I know that to do what dee does, you need to be certified to teach, which i am not. But, if you can believe it, i am finished university. And i have spent time with children in an educational environment. I can do this part time, and do something else part time as well, ya? So right now i have a very non kid-friendly resume that needs to be completely revamped...should make for a fun afternoon task. And then tomorrow i get to go request a police check for myself! Yay.

no job

Tuesday morning i was abuptly let go from my job. Not in bad way, i didnt get myself fired or anything. Basically my position just no longer exists because thats the only way it works for the company and the rest of staff. Which is okay, because i was fixing to start looking for different work anyway. But its still kind of a slap in the face! You know? Suddenly months of plans have to be changed. Im back at square one. Weird feeling! I've only ever been back at square one because ive chosen it. Or at least i was given plently of time in advance to prepare, not that i always used that time efficiently, but i still knew it was coming. In a way i feel a little animosity towards them. I shouldn't, it is just business afterall. But it feels personal. My whole life is effected by it. But im a lighthearted person, im not depressed, i dont feel like my heart was torn in two, and you know, my gut tells me this really is for the best. I already feel more relaxed knowing i dont have to ever go back, they were heavily kooky. Tolerable, but fucking irritating for us non-kooky folk. My problem was i never fully understood their overall way of doing things. The rules, the management, the way they pushed the tiers of power. I wonder if they saw it in me? That i didnt agree? I was never outward with it i dont think? I accepted and ignored it at the same time, and i even sometimes played along for the sake of keeping my job. But maybe im not such a great actress. The worst part about it all is that i knew they were sneaky and underhanded, i always said there was something weird. Honestly, i should have been able to see it coming. If i was smart, i would have left as soon as i acknowledged their insanity, or at least began preparing to leave. But...no looking back! New job please! Its difficult though, tourist season is over. Christmas season isnt too far behind, maybe i'll go home for 10 days and ride out the slump. Revibe myself back in London, get my head straight, see some friends, and then return with a new attitude ready to start the project. I'll be broke though. Maybe that feeling of desperation will push me even harder. I think it would all be worth it. I have to make a quick decision here.... Is this the time to be spontaneous? I think it might be. I need to get out of here for a bit. The irony of the circumstances and timing of my dismissal is annoying. Jokes on me this time, but im not laughing. Switching up my calendar will be good for getting this out of my head.

Im going to look at flight prices and maybe be out of here next week?
eeeeee...im kind of excited!

public park...perfect park?

I enjoy spending the greater portion of my lunch breaks and days off in a park here in the town of Banff. Today as do this, I recognize that I feel surprisingly relaxed and comfortable. It occurs to me that although I've done this same act numerous times before in my hometown, and elsewhere, I have never experienced such calm, both within myself and the space that surrounds me. I notice now that this particular park consistantly gives me these feelings, regardless of what company I hold. Maybe you could even say this park always gives me these feelings, to a certain extent anyway. You couldn't say, though, that every park has given me these feelings. In fact, some parks don't ignite these feelings to any extent at all. I guess the irony of most parks is that in practise they often fail to present the same whimsical and organic vibe they were built to. But how does this specific park manage to evoke serenity in a way most other parks could never come close to? Is it because the mountains replaced the megastructures? Would a person who holds similar prefences as myself enjoy this space to the same end? What features of this park am I most drawn to? And why?

If money and time meant nothing, I would devise a list of what spacial characteristics are most attractive and I would travel the world over looking for, and becoming familiar with, different areas that meet the criteria, one of which being modesty. To clarify, I mean modesty in terms of size and population. I would look for more intimate spaces where casual socializing with others is optional depending on one's mood and circumstances. Im thinking quaint bookstores, markets, eateries, gardens, cafes, squares, beaches, and of course, parks. I'd take an endless number of photos and then I'd write a book. I'd probably title it something obvious like Discovering Serenity and readers could create their own serenity by using my photos and words as imaginative fuel. I'd hope this would work in the same way sounds of tropical rains and crashing waves carry the listener from a noise polluted urban center to a jungle paradise. But as it turns out, money and time do mean something, and unfortunately I don't have enough of either to carry through with this novel idea. i do love this park though

thoughts ending.

the worst is when you have the beginnings of a really good idea (or daydream!) but then something distracts you away from that thought and you immediately forget what you were thinking just before. why is it always so difficult to recall the thought when it was happening only moments prior, especially when you would have been excited about what was going on in your head? its very frustrating i think.

sometimes though, if youre lucky, you will think the same thought a little while later. but it never really seems to be the same, does it? its always a little less bright and less exciting. i then usually decide its not worth my time to think more about and allow myself to forget it, again.

i hate when that happens....

attention whore

i believe i know myself very well. i can control and understand my emotions with ease, and i can also feel myself change, physically or mentally. right now, im feeling myself change. the change is in the early stages still but i know its coming, i know why its happening, and i can see clearly where its headed.

im about to do something i almost never do; dicuss my emotional and romantic affairs. not to any considerable depth really, but im willng to share more than i typically would, which is nothing. i cant say that ive ever demanded a lot of attention from anyone in particular. ive always felt content receiving short spans of attention from a number of different people. i generally accept the attention the boys give whenever they want to give it, without demanding more. but let's not confuse the attenton i enjoy with that many others may enjoy. this isnt catcalls, bar games, or sexual attenion (unless it just happens to fit into the relationship naturally). i mean mental and emotional stimulation of the most intruiging sort. but sometimes, due to the nature of these relationships, what im given, albeit being of good quality, is inconsistent. this inconsistency is unfortunately becoming less than satisfying and just plain boring. soon enough im going to have to remove the clutter and enjoy undivided attention. but first, i think i have to learn how to want it...

I've been busy and fell out of the loop. I know it's no excuse but I moved to Banff, Alberta, the town made of magic, and tried to switch my life up. New surroundings, new people, new job, new outlook. I'm pleased and excited to be in such a good state. After tackling the requirements laid out by my new job, I'm positive I will become reinspired, directly resulting in higher productivity. I'm filled with anticipation and glee.

fear not for the future, weep not for the past

Sometimes in life, if you're lucky, you will have the pleasure, or displeasure, of being able to pinpoint precise moments that change you. Looking upon my own experiences, I can recall only a handful or less of pivitol seconds where I knew instantly that I would never be the same person I was just seconds earlier. Each of these points of change happened to be the direct result of an actual event, rather than, say, an epiphany. Sometimes these moments are ones of joy, glory, accomplishment and satisfaction. And sometimes, these moments are ones of despair, loss, heartache, and sorrow. Regardless of how these moments make you feel inside, they are all growth inducing, character building, and perspective changing. If you let them, they can all push you to be more resilient, more beautiful, more aware, but you have to be careful. Easily they can destroy you, turn you into a monster, chew you up and then spit you right back out as a shred of nothingness . I have learned very recently that you have to draw what you can from each moment, let the rest go, and then breathe. You won't find wisdom until adversity finds you first.

racey webcam

i think its creepy when boys go on webcam and try to get naked.

what are you doing?
do you even know me?



...im embarrassed for your childish selves.

goodbye, money

the older you get, the more things you're allowed to buy.

nay,
the older you get, the more things you have to buy.

charitable associations

in my previous post, i suggested that donating money to a charity of your choice is an easy way to show support for a cause that maybe you are unable to help in a physical way (building homes, visiting poverty sticken countries, volunteering time at a hospital, canvassing, etc). many of us simply do not have the time or means to do it. however, choosing the most fit charity can be a difficult task. i feel it is my duty to help you make an informed and sound decision. i cannot, for obvious reasons, give you a list of all charities worthy of your money, but what i can do, is help ensure that you place your money in the right hands. the following is a list of tips for giving:

A List of Tips For Giving

- first and foremost, choose a cause that is meaningful to you. you won't feel good about it if you dont.

- do your research and ask questions. any legit charity can and will eagerly answer all of your questions about exactly where the money goes, how its used, and what progress they have made to date.

- consider the impact and be realistic. rememebr that if you're giving to a large charity, the money is part of a bigger whole. the smaller the charity, the bigger the impact your donation will make. EXAMPLE: if you're looking to cure AIDS, donating to a small charity won't make this happen. but if you want to help children get a healthy breakfast in the mornings, i'm positive you can find a local charity that does just that and your $50 will go a longgg way.

- please, for the love of all that is holy, make sure the charity is legitimate. if you're in Canada, all charities must be registered. they will be given a registration number and the canada revenue agency supplies a listing of all registered charities. you can get access to that list here. if yours isn't on the list, you need to put your money elsewhere.

- try to choose a charity with low overhead and administration costs to stretch your dollar. bear in mind that all charities have public financial statements (just ask them, they'll be happy to supply you with it. if they dont then ding ding ding, something's not quite right). ideally, 10%-15%, or less, of revenue should be spent on administration and fundraising. legally, though, they can (and do) spend in excess of 25%. just for the record, war amps spends 7% (or less!) on admin costs.

- if you want to donate, but don't have extra monies laying around (like most of us) you can always rummage through your closet and fianlly get rid of those clothes you said a year ago you'll "wear soon." books, food, clothes, shoes, and protective items (think outerwear, coats, blankets, etc) are all great items to donate rather than trash during your spring cleaning.

:)

bought and paid for.

I usually try to avoid discussing the topic of which this particular blog is based. Only because of the simple fact that it makes for an easy intro into a heated political debate. Politics is something I am neither knowledgable about nor overly interested in. However, as a consumer, as a human geographer, and as an employee in the retail industry, I have something to say.

Currently I am a worker bee for a company that sells merchanise targeted towards 12-18 year olds: accessories, cosmetics, hosery, and more recently, clothing and shoes. From what I've seen over the course of the 7 months I've worked there, I have noticed that a large portion, possibly even 100%, of the goods are made in China. This should come as no surprise and is not the problem I'm having. As a direct result of the merchandise being produced there, my company is able to offer it to the public at a very reasonable price. By reasonable, I mean you can buy 3 shirts for $10. Um, bargain? Yes. But with that being said, how high do you suspect the quality of these shirts are? Personally, I would label the clothing quality as "satisfactory" and I'm only saying that because I cant think of a word that doesn't insinuate that the quality is "poor", which it is not, but it is definitely not "good". But regardless, this, again, is not my problem.

My problem is that customers purchase this merchandise, knowing full well that they could have easily gone elsewhere, and then come back 3 weeks after wearing it, and proceed to bitch like a little girl about how disgusted they are that there's now a hole in the shirt or that the seam is coming apart.

Now, I'm not a clothing designer or a seamstress, but I am a consumer. I buy things, I wear things, and I use things. In my 22 years of life, if theres one lesson I've learned, its that on the whole you really do get what you pay for. If I'm going to buy something that I expect should have a lifespan of greater than 3 wears, I know that I need to actually invest some money and pay a little extra. Do I wear the clothes that I sell? Yes. But I would never assume that it would last me longer than one season, that's if I'm lucky and dont treat the garment like shit.

So let's think about this, shall we? The Chinese people mass produce clothing for pennies a day in a sweatshop environment where the official standards are likely very low and a high number of items produced is the only indication of a job well done. If finer quality is what you seek, there are other options available. Why don't you support a local business or designer and purchase clothing that was made right here in Canada?

"But Jenn, the Chinese people rely on folks such as myself to make a living, even if it is in a factory".....well, if monetary support is what you're offering, why don't you think about the specific cause you're trying to help/concerned about (joblessness, homelessness, grotesque working environments, unfair wages, etc), look up a charity that relates to said cause, and then make a donation? It's easy.

In no way am I saying that I actively endorse or encourage the modern day slave-ification of the Chinese people, but if you're dead set on getting 3 shirts for $10, please don't make a scene when the dryer destroys them.

water's hotter

I really, really like water. It's definitely one of my favourites. I like to drink it, dip my feet into it, swim in it, bathe in it, freeze it and then crunch on it, and I like to look at it. I dream I can breathe under it. And I taught myself how to swim in it. The horoscope says im a cancer. That's a water sign. (I just googled my sign to be sure I was right, and ended up reading semi-in-depth about it, and I'm floored by how accurate it was. If you want, check yours here.)

I like the rain too. I don't like to be IN the rain, but I do enjoy watching a thunderstorm. Especially on a warm day. And I have a sleepytime playlist that features the soothing sounds of waterfalls and jungle rains. My favourite song is Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd...and in it he says, "We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year." Do you know the line I'm talking about? Well, either way, he says it. I'm pretty fascinated with water in general I think. Oh, and did you know that ice can assume a large number of crystalline structures, more than any other known material? Impressive! (I found that tidbit here)





So you know when you're absolutely paarrched and after you pound a tall glass of water, you immediately feel like a million dollars? That happened to me this evening. I took a moment think about how freakin great water is. Then I stumbled upon the picture above, and others, shortly after. Basically, I really just wanted to show off how sassy the water looks.

Pretty Volcano

The picture above I found whilst browsing for a visually appealing photo to aid with my learning about this blog. I've been practicing putting links into words also. For example; to see another sweet photo that is almost as captivating as the one above, click here.

Bam.
So how'd I do for a newb? haha. pretttty well, id say.

They're Nothing But Bad News

Im convinced that my cellphone is giving me anxiety. I worry about it a lot. I worry about where i've put it. Is it in my jacket? Or my purse? On the dresser? Oh, got it. In my bag. Good. I worry that im sending a text to the wrong person. Always check that. Twice sometimes. I worry about long distance charges. Mag and i talk a lot on the phone i think. Is this costing me if its rogers-to-rogers? MyFive? Whats that? Oh yes. ive seen a commercial i think. Ill look into it. And my phone calls people by accident too. Gotta remember to lock the keypad. Dont want anyone to hear your secret conversations. Data plan. Will i go over my byte limit? probably! whatever that means, anyway. And now since my phone has been stolen from me (and miraculously recovered by ME! - more to come about THAT later..) i have to be extra careful. So after all this, is it even worth it? Seriously. Its all i think about. And frankly, that's kind of gross. Plus i have to pay out $70 a month to feel this miserable about it? Oh boy.

Fantasyland.

OK. So I failed my last mission. I acknowledge and accept it. Time to move on.

Today I was pondering different blog topics and how each topic would potentially play out if I chose it. I spent probably a good 15 minutes thinking about where each blog would end up. Then it occurred to me that not only do I have many normal dreams, (not that the actual dreams themselves are normal - I mean I have nighttime dreams) I am also a perpetual daydreamer. I have full out fantasies in my mind everywhere: work, on the bus, during everyday conversations with others, at night before I fall asleep, during lectures (not that I attend lectures NOW, but I used to not too long ago).

I spend a LOT of time just letting my mind wander off. Sometimes I think about what I'm actually doing and why I'm doing it, sometimes I replay events in my head and give them alternative endings which are usually more favorable for me than they were in actuality, sometimes I'll even introduce different people into the scenario and judge how their specific personality would change the dynamics of the situation. I also often wonder what people I know are doing at that very moment. And sometimes...the daydreams get kind of sexy. This happens on the bus usually. It makes me giggle to know that I'm thinking something of that nature in a place where its less than appropriate.

Anyway, then it occurred to me that maybe I have a problem. Is this healthy or unhealthy behaviour? Am I living in a fantasy world? Do I spend too much time thinking about what COULD HAVE happened rather than what REALLY happened? So here's what I did; I made a list of pros and cons to help me decide. See below.

CONS

• i get terribly distracted from reality
• public laughter at inappropriate times leads to embarrassment.
• not focusing on actual task or situation leads to decreased productivity (for example, i made this list, and essentially wrote this blog, while at work)
• i create unrealistic outcomes for situations and I let myself down because things RARELY work out they same way I dream they will.

PROS

• helps maintain a vivid imagination - key for someone like myself who tries to tap into creativity every now and again.
• its FUN. plain and simple.
• its like a movie in my head only its FREE. and it always ends the way i want it to.
• doing it makes me happy.

As you can see by my extensive list above, the pros and cons are equal. Now it only depends on how much significance each point gets. I say that since the daydreaming has yet to leave me socially inept or take me away from the world to such an extent that I'm shucking my responsiblities, I am still in the "healthy" category. I fear that maybe one day I will slide over onto the "unhealthy" side of things without even noticing. Its at this point that I dream someone will prepare an intervention.

The Pressure's On

How does a girl like myself who has yet to recognize where her interests and strengths lie, begin to tackle posting creative writing in a public forum when her previous efforts have failed? I suspect it will have to stem from dismissing the notion that what others think matters. Unfortunately for me, this takes a complete personal paradigm shift. Daunting. The catch is that in the end I believe I will ultimately look in the direction of the same people I am trying to pay no mind to, to provide me with feedback.

The most significant problem I foresee myself facing in this project is not the comments/criticisms from others, but rather the struggle with myself to stimulate creativity on a regular basis and produce interesting and meaningful works. I think it comes down to me discovering, and then actively embracing, what inspires me. Also daunting. After 22 years, you would think I would have a faint idea. Nature, music, art, successful people, a quote. No, no, no, no, and no. The only thing that I find "inspires" me, is pressure. Unhealthy? Maybe. Works? You better believe it.

The lesson: What I have learned here tonight is that I must encourage myself to set firm goals, reach said goals, and then reward myself accordingly.

The goal: I will write again before the work week is through.
The reward: bragging rights. haha.