attention whore

i believe i know myself very well. i can control and understand my emotions with ease, and i can also feel myself change, physically or mentally. right now, im feeling myself change. the change is in the early stages still but i know its coming, i know why its happening, and i can see clearly where its headed.

im about to do something i almost never do; dicuss my emotional and romantic affairs. not to any considerable depth really, but im willng to share more than i typically would, which is nothing. i cant say that ive ever demanded a lot of attention from anyone in particular. ive always felt content receiving short spans of attention from a number of different people. i generally accept the attention the boys give whenever they want to give it, without demanding more. but let's not confuse the attenton i enjoy with that many others may enjoy. this isnt catcalls, bar games, or sexual attenion (unless it just happens to fit into the relationship naturally). i mean mental and emotional stimulation of the most intruiging sort. but sometimes, due to the nature of these relationships, what im given, albeit being of good quality, is inconsistent. this inconsistency is unfortunately becoming less than satisfying and just plain boring. soon enough im going to have to remove the clutter and enjoy undivided attention. but first, i think i have to learn how to want it...

I've been busy and fell out of the loop. I know it's no excuse but I moved to Banff, Alberta, the town made of magic, and tried to switch my life up. New surroundings, new people, new job, new outlook. I'm pleased and excited to be in such a good state. After tackling the requirements laid out by my new job, I'm positive I will become reinspired, directly resulting in higher productivity. I'm filled with anticipation and glee.