after some research, self-reflection, and conversations with 2 educated outside peoples, i confess:

1. i use personality, education, makeup, and substances to cover up the fact i think i am unworthy and defective. im good at it.

2. i am a sabbotager. in a deliberate, premeditated, precise, and underhanded way. this extends into my relationships with: money, gender, sexuality, other people, and society.

3. i have daddy issues. without a doubt. research says its the female equivalent to the Oedipus complex...Electra complex. yes ma'am. and supposedly its a legit theory, devised by Carl Jung himself.

4. there are 2 extremes: blame them, or blame me. and i blame me.